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Caring for the Elderly Vampire

In Uncategorized on 19 April, 2011 at 7:50 pm

As we all know, most Vampires are able to take care of themselves. But one can’t help but wonder… who takes care of the elderly Vampires?

You know the ones we are referring to. The ones no longer to hunt or take care of themselves?

One can only gather that other Vampires are tasked with the job of caring for their own. Perhaps Queen Sophie-Anne LeClerq or King Russell Edgington actually designate certain Vampires within their kingdoms (or queendom) to handle such tasks.

What are the requirements for caring for those Vampires who can no longer fend for themselves?

One must first guarantee them shelter. Vampires with their “allergy” to sunlight must have a light-tight space to slumber during the day hours. This is a vital need that should be obtained. One little crack that allows sunlight to seep through and all that will be left of the Vampire come nightfall is ashes to the wind.

Now, the fine people of the Fellowship of the Sun, built a retirement center for the elderly Vampire. Strangely though, it blew up last fall when a gas leak ignited one evening. The large fire ball was seen for miles around. Police initially suspected arson, but the Fire Marshall deemed it an accident after an intense investigation.

One must also wonder how an elderly Vampire maintains their regular diet of blood. Of course since the Japanese discovery of synthesized blood a few years ago, one needn’t worry so much about a Vampire’s inability to feed. But still, we are not naive enough to believe Vampires actually mainstream… are we?

What if the Vampire in question has lost their fangs?

Many dentists have developed several types of artificial fangs. Though most are used by humans who like to play “Vampire”, these are a suitable substitute for those who are in need of fangs to feed from willing (or unwilling) donors.

Perhaps a Vampire could survive on a steady diet of Tru: Blood or bagged blood. But just to change it up a bit, one might want to try blood-favored suckers or blood cookies.

Though… one could hope that from time to time, the area Sheriff might be willing to give a hand for them to nibble on…

Regardless of your lack of enthusiasm for taking upon yourself, the task of caring for an elderly Vampire, one should consider this piece of knowledge:

“We were once human.”

If that doesn’t pull at your cold heart strings, then the only piece of advice we have to offer is:

If a doctor arrives carrying the above case to care for your elderly Vampire, perhaps you should think twice before allowing them access into your home.

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